example of working with a difficult person

And what will happen when women are competent, but are sort of strong willed is that theyll be labeled with the B word and men who are labeled with the S word for being strong. Its very much about your personal growth. 7. But the research generally shows in terms of fighting back against any sort of abuse or difficult people is that certainly the more powerful you are, the easier it is to get rid of them. Because of this, I decided to create an updated version of that training course, which included videos and multiple-choice tests after each lesson. Here are a few examples of difficult work situations and how to deal with them effectively. But the question I want to know before is how have this person and other rainmakers been treated in the past? BOB SUTTON: Well, so my first assumption, the first question I ask is, is the person aware of how they are coming across to others and the damage theyre doing to their reputation? I decided to stay and help anyway. Allow them to socialize, but make it clear when this is interfering with your work. He talks about doing the favor for your enemy so that they begin to feel more positively about you. BOB SUTTON: Right. And what Benjamin Franklin did when he was a young adult and he had somebody that was a hater, was badmouthing him, what Benjamin Franklin did was started asking this guy to do favors for him, his critic to do favors for him and literally that turned his critic into a friend, a lifetime friend for Benjamin Franklin. This one, on the other hand, is really a question of character asked to gauge how you react in difficult situations. This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. When you give people a fair amount of responsibility, but give them low prestige or low status, they really do take it out on you. What defines a difficult coworker? If they didnt receive enough training to fully understand their job, they may seem unhelpful or defensive. Or more? Finally, you inform the interviewer the RESULT of your actions. I then enlisted the help of a specialist from the support team to assist me with the technical aspects. Additionally, dont be afraid to ask for an extension if neededthis shows that youre taking the task seriously and are organized in your approach. Number one, it seems like in the HR profession theres no real agreement on what behaviors constitute bullying. Nurse managers in particular made enormous contributions to ensuring the safety of patients and front-line nurses while being under excessive psychological stress. ALISON BEARD: I get that from an interpersonal perspective, but I wonder from a practical perspective if shes one of the only women at her level, whether shes more difficult to fire. It may have nothing to do with work, or it could be caused by a work-related insecurity. TOP 20 BEST WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF in a JOB INTERVIEW! Understanding others subjective realities can enhance empathy, cooperation, and communication and may also influence ones own opinions, explains Brittany Solomon, a Research Assistant Professor of Management and Organization at Notre Dame Universitys Mendoza College of Business, who conducted research on how these perceptions help us manage relationships. However, if youve noticed persistent behavior that makes collaboration increasingly difficult, that should be handled. Beware because thats the kind of thing that encourages jerks to keep going and going and going. Communicating effectively with your coworkers, boss, and other employees can help resolve complex problems. They talk How should you handle a co-worker who treats you like dirt? Example 3. Thanks for listening to Dear HBR: : How to Help Someone Develop Emotional Intelligence. DAN MCGINN: Thats Bob Sutton. ALISON BEARD: This all sounds very confrontational. For this reason, she asked me to join in 80 additional hours in that quarter, and I would then subtract those hours from the timesheet for the following month to reach her financial goal. How do we resolve conflict when it comes up? Discusses the issue at hand somewhere neutral or a place with an activity . Use direct communication to communicate the impact of their negative behaviors on you, your coworkers, and the office environment. The common mistakes made at the interview (and how to avoid them! So many people are in managerial positions. Aside from setting the scene with the STAR technique, your answer should primarily focus on how you handled the situation. He was furious that we had not yet solved the problems. It takes two to tango, and people need to understand how their approach comes across, how it impacts others, and how those impacts may be received positively or negatively.. His exact words were, well then you certainly dont present it well at our monthly meetings. Even worse he acts like hes the type to admit failure. There was a time when I worked at a small publishing company, and my boss asked me to contact a few well-known authors to get endorsements for a new book. It can also help to have someone to work with, so you can take turns focusing on the task. ALISON BEARD: I think it all goes back to empathy too right? And before you gag at the very thought of needing to applaud that difficult person, know that its still self-serving. The conflict between co-workers is inevitable, especially in an environment where everyone has different goals and opinions on how to reach them. WHY SHOULD WE HIRE YOU? Is it a good day to give it to him or her or a bad day? Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they . Im maybe blaming myself some, because thats what a leaders job is to do is to take some of the flack. Then, take a deep breath and actually offer them that piece of praise. Apologizing sincerely can also go a long way in showing that you take responsibility for the issue at hand. It might just be somebody who works near the bosses, they will warn people or people will call them and email them or text them and say, what mood is he or she in today? What they do is they fire you. I checked the training material they used for managers and noticed the same errors. Though these will be different for each workplace, they should include guidelines for things like timeliness, scheduling and convening meetings and expressing disagreement. So, I want to know whether this person is a bad apple in a good organization or is theyre all bad apples and this is just a manager who has to deal with it all of a sudden. That they often can be very civilized and very supportive. So, Bob is there someone in your professional life whos really bothered you throughout the years? But also just clearly a difficult, mean person. The other approach is if you disagree with the person and you feel safe, maybe push back a little bit. The more people feel heard, the more those walls start to break down.. Before you walk into the interview, its important to have examples of difficult work situations that youve encountered in mind. Im leaving the company and starting to wean myself off the sedative Ambien, Ive used to cope with the stress. Here are a few examples: General questions The question about dealing with difficult customers may come in many forms. And the more people you can get on your side, I had a woman write me, she was a government employer. Here's an example answer from a candidate who didn't have access to their manager: "At my previous job as a secretary at a construction firm, I was working on a Friday afternoon. If we're honest with ourselves, we may recognize in other people's behavior the dark side of our own nature. Think of a scenario when two people are working together and one is extremely detail-oriented and process-focused, while the other is a big picture-thinker, says Dr. Allison Siminovsky, Senior Research Consultant at The Predictive Index. RESULT: From that moment on, things improved greatly and when I next asked him for help, he did all he could to assist me. They are asking you this interview question because they want to see whether you were mature and professional when working with the difficult person. BOB SUTTON: Thats definitely an intervention. Nope, not accusatory ones like, Why would we do it that way? or Are you serious? But inquiries that help you understand where theyre coming from. Interviewers often choose to ask this question directly. Does your team have a toxic workplace culture? Help others around you to change their perspective. Change your perspective. Any difficult workplace situation can be resolved successfully with the right attitude and approach. Where your work meets your life. Because being a good managers a hard thing to learn. It may challenge your ability to perform at expected levels. Both tactics are unlikely to impress. Additionally, if youre ever unclear about something, dont hesitate to ask for help or clarification. Is there a potential for that here and finding a peer or higher up that could correct the bad behavior? During the next meeting, he apologized to us for what he had said.. BOB SUTTON: Yeah, but she probably is more difficult to fire. Heres what were going to do differently or start doing differently as a result. Do you have any other examples of difficult work situations? Bearing this in mind, its a good idea to ask yourself the following questions: And remember: always follow with how you eventually resolved the situation. Listen to more episodes and find out how to subscribe on the Dear HBR: page. From dealing with a critical boss to navigating interpersonal conflicts, these challenging scenarios can be hard to manage. I apologised that her little girl hadnt made any progress, and said I could see why she was disappointed. Whether it's from work or family obligations, stress can cause people to exhibit difficult behaviors. Dont hesitate to delegate tasks to other team members or request assistance from colleagues when needed. Work can be frustrating, but it doesnt have to be. How can you maintain a healthy working relationship with a person you struggle to get along with? Please help. The truth is that we dont have to let the tension, conflicts and misunderstandings get us down. Heres what were sharing with our investors and stakeholders each quarter. When something goes wrong, resist your initial impulse to look for someone to blame. How do you handle difficult employees at work? 10 Tips for Dealing With Difficult People at Work You Can Learn to Deal With Difficult People: Use These 10 Tips By Susan M. Heathfield Updated on 02/28/21 In every workplace, you will have difficult coworkers. First off, take heart you arent alone. I see some of them as friends., Given the variety of relationships we may have at work, Gallo recommends noting our own reactions and creating personal boundaries to balance the tension of difficult interactions with the need to get the work done. How you work is just as important as the work youre doing. And number two, theres this need to seem impartial and to listen to the other side of the story, like Judge Wapner on the Peoples Court. Consult a friend, coworker, or another ally for help if the person continues to be a problem. A look at what we're sharing with our investors and stakeholders each quarter. This could involve developing new skills or teaching others what you know. Ive tried constructive feedback, recommending an EQ course, but she always reverts to the same old MO. OK, so this question isnt really about the difficult person; its about you. DAN MCGINN: So, it sounds like our best advice for this person goes back to one of the things you said at the open which is, A, is there a way to avoid it? If your attempts to connect dont work, try talking to them about how you feel. Dr. Greg Barnett, Senior Vice President of Science at The Predictive Index, a talent optimization platform, explains that value misalignments and situational pressures could be two big causes at play here. Show Willingness to Get Along There may be times when the only example of a difficult person you can supply involves one in which the problem wasn't solved with a simple discussion. Ensure you set clear expectations and goals for your team and provide the necessary resources and support for them to succeed. "TELL ME ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU WORKED WITH A DIFFICULT PERSON" (SCRIPTED ANSWER) SITUATION: When I started work in my previous job, a member of the team made it difficult for me. However, we can help you prepare for every eventuality and avoid anyinterview nightmares. You cant start fixing other people unless you understand who you are and what your role is in not getting along, says Barnett. Ill fall on the sword. What you'll find, over time, is that the person who, at first, appears difficult or confrontational is actually . Seven Ways To Handle Difficult People At Work 1. The most successful people have learned the value of perseverance when tackling challenging projects or tasks at work. Most importantly, always remain professional in any situationthis will ensure that everyone respects one another and builds a positive work environment. [LAUGHTER] I would have nothing to say in the moment and an hour later I would probably come up with something really clever and I would just, have only myself to listen to it. Tell me about someone who has been difficult for you to work with in your job. Dan you can be pretty snarky at times. She learned at a client event that shed been passed over. See more from Ascend here. Make sure you are on the same page with your manager, so there is no confusion later. Buy James Reeds new book:Why You? There are loads of ways to grow a company learn about our approach here. It was late at night, and the team had to work late, but the manager told me I didnt need to. If someone is being highly aggressive with you, either verbally or physically, then regardless of who they are it's OK to walk away or say that you are going to put . But because Boomers and GenXers were taught to check their emotions at the door and just get the job done, they can be frustrated and confounded by newer generations who believe theyre supposed to be authentic, emotions and all. A growing conflict not only leads to a tense work environment, it can also cause us to self-sabotage. How To Deal With Difficult Employees as a New Manager. So, to find ways to not take it quite so personally and to say to yourself with somebody like that, its not my problem. BOB SUTTON: Yeah, I like that. Whether its after a team meeting or a shared project, have an informal conversation where you can ask things like, Is there anything you wish I wouldve done differently?, Not thinking about your responses while someone else is speaking. DAN MCGINN: Welcome to Dear HBR: from Harvard Business Review. (TOP 10 BEST THINGS to SAY in a JOB INTERVIEW to Succeed!). DAN MCGINN: I can? She agreed to that, and after a week I saw her again and she said her daughter loved her new teacher and was doing great. Laying the groundwork for better employee health and happiness. Yes, communication skills are essential in difficult work situations. Do you treat the person differently because you feel like they are difficult? BOB SUTTON: Yeah, so for that situation, if that actually would help her and the firm would support it and her in the management would, bless them. Send in your questions about workplace dilemmas by emailing Dan and Alison at dearhbr@hbr.org. He didnt say Im dealing with a jerk or a difficult person. Be respectful of other peoples opinions, avoid finger-pointing or blaming others, and maintain an understanding tone throughout your conversation. I get along with them. BOB SUTTON: Yeah. She recommends focusing more on the things that give you pleasure and satisfaction and fulfillment than this one relationship, [like] listening to your favorite song before the meeting and then when youre done, calling a friend who cheers you upanything that creates a barrier around the negativity so youre not feeling it so intensely., When a challenging relationship or conflict persists, and you havent resolved or managed it yet, you might consider escalating to some authority you believe will help restore order for you. What about difficult people? However, remember that everyone involved has their perspective, tooincluding the other person or people. Sometimes it feels like the workplace is where the most difficult people are. I was responsible for communicating with my customers only by phone and email, but I thought something more needed to be done here. Its very easy for conflict to spiral and for the involved parties to assume negative intentions are causing the conflict even though this is rarely the case. It sounds obvious, but its a surprisingly challenging competency to hone and theres no surefire way to do it that works for everyone. Atlassians approach to remote onboarding. BOB SUTTON: Yep. Be firm in setting your boundaries. They might be lashing at you because they have personal pressures, because they have professional pressures and theyre worried about sort of hitting deadlines or hitting their budgets. Why? ACTIONS taken to complete the assignment are then described in detail. Try not to take things personally but instead focus on finding common ground between all parties involved so that everyone feels heard and respected throughout the process of resolving the situation. Give me an example of working with others where you did not agree. Repeat what was said to ensure that both parties are on the same page about the issue at hand, then use this information as a jumping-off point for finding a mutually beneficial solution. It may also be helpful to set mini-deadlines for yourself throughout the process; this will help keep you on track and prevent procrastination. * HOW TO ACE A JOB INTERVIEW! Its not her fault. And in general, the evidence that bullying employees is bad for them, its bad for productivity, its bad for the reputation of the firm is something thats coming more and more into center stage. Identify their strengths. Copyright 2023 How2Become Ltd, Suite 4, 2 Mount Sion, Tunbridge Wells, Kent, TN1 1UE. We willthen tell you how to structure your answer to this and other challenging behavioural interview questions. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. No matter where you work or how much you love your job, youve probably encountered at least one person who is difficult to work with. How do you suggest handling them? Here are some sample answers you can take a close look at. My face would have turned really red, my blood would have boiled and I think I would have then gone back to our cube that we share and I would have complained to you about it. [LAUGHTER] So, this is actually a pretty bad one and this is pretty complicated. Im not sure how we get there, and Id like to talk through that with you, advises Smith. That alone could start healing some of the trauma and harm that this relationship has caused.. To try to create some self-awareness with the boss and maybe have a private conversation with them about what theyre saying and how it effects the team and possibly if that doesnt yield any results, to take it to higher levels and see if theres a peer who can encourage the boss to change his behavior or even someone higher up in the company. UNLOCK 50+ InterviewQuestions & High-Scoring Answers Today + Get the insider video tuition for EACH question for FREE! He calmed down as I asked him more questions about each issue. Weve already covered some ofthe most common interview questionsthat could come up, but heres our advice for how to answer: Tell me about a time youve dealt with a difficult person: What theyre asking: Tell me about a time youve dealt with a difficult person, What theyre actually asking: You know everyones difficult sometimes, right?. Do you see any opportunity for that in this scenario? Open company, no bullshit isnt just one of our values. Make it more of an invitation and co-author the solution with the person.. ALISON BEARD: Its so interesting that you bring up petty tyrants because I actually just ran into this experience and everyone kept telling me to calm down and that made me not at all calm. I can think of four or five of them. Some interview questions are used to test your competencies, whilst others place an emphasis on your career goals. DAN MCGINN: Its interesting. In this episode of HBRs advice podcast Dear HBR:, co-hosts Alison Beard and Dan McGinn answer your questions with the help of Stanford management professor Bob Sutton, an expert in dealing with difficult people. The hiring manager saw something in them that made them a good fit for the team. They also want to assess whether you are able to build positive working relationships with people who are difficult. SITUATION: When I started work in my previous job, a member of the team made it difficult for me. That other person is the difficult one, so theyre the ones who need to put in the legwork and change, right? Home > Blog > Tell Me About A Time You Worked With A Difficult Person! Do you work with a jerk? Here are a few examples of difficult work situations and how to deal with them effectively. Im such an idiot. In fact, she signed her up for the next set of lessons then and there. Do you work with a jerk? There are organizations where people who are, who act like jerks, even if theyre high performers will still be sent packing. Asking what they think about the situation and how you should proceed, Understanding that there are two sides to every story and that HR may need to investigate, Documenting any issues you have moving forward. Because if they keep, if they treat people like dirt and the result is that people reward them for it, beware because theyll learn that its an effective behavior for recruiting allies even though they dont deserve to have allies. 20 Signs You Are Not Valued at Work: How to Recognize? Worried that theyll think its disingenuous? Additionally, always remain professional during disagreementsavoid personal attacks or assumptions about the other persons motivations. You may opt-out by. Im at the end of my rope. I later approached him privately and respectfully explained that those jokes might have offended some people, even though I was a newcomer. DAN MCGINN: Now we want to know your questions. No business wants an unhappy customerbut it happens from time to time. Kat Boogaard For example, adds Minor, if the person is going through a divorce or struggling with a mental health issue, you could offer "counseling resources or time off that could potentially alleviate". You avoid them at team events. Why the interviewer is asking this question: Im not being bad. ALISON BEARD: We, a while back published an article by Bryan Uzzi from Northwestern called Make Your Enemies Your Allies. They ruin work teams and destroy productivity, not to mention morale. ALISON BEARD: So, to wrap up I think our advice for this person who has a blaming boss is again, to not take it personally if possible. And if shes just doing what everybody else does in the organization to get ahead, then its actually managements fault. Take a few deep breaths and acknowledge how youre feeling before responding. When in a challenging work situation, explain your exact answer for choosing your actions, being as specific as possible. But people who can handle them professionally? When faced with a difficult situation, staying calm and collected is essential. When he finished, I told him that I would take care of all complaints he raised. I compiled a list of about 60 names of great authors. Get to know them. It was not my intention to focus on his behavior but on what we could do to surpass his expectations. There are situations where having the conversation can actually be very helpful. ALISON BEARD: Right. That kind of putdown happens almost every day in front of peers, bosses and my subordinates. Dear HBR: Im a VP in a high-tech company and Im dealing with a colleague whos a bully. For example, "I felt disrespected when you showed up to my presentation late." Express interest in their true feelings and create a safe space for them to feel heard and validated. Experts in emotional intelligence will tell you that self-awareness is paramount in being able to navigate difficult interpersonal situations, says Siminovsky. Using the STAR method is a great way to organise your response to this and other behavioural interview questions. As long as the culture supports it. She appreciated the warning I gave her, thanked me for letting her know, and she gave up that idea when she realized doing so was against the companys policy. So, CEOs who blame themselves for performance problems, overtime, they tend to last longer in the role and to be higher performing. Pay attention not only to the words being said but also to nonverbal cues such as body language or tone of voice. If your co-worker is making it difficult for you to feel comfortable at work, it may be time to confront the situation. It had as many as 1,000 lawyers and she was number two and the number one was a woman named Mary Cranston. But no matter who you choose always demonstrate that you were the bigger person. Bonus points for writing this down! But, generally speaking, it could refer to any disagreement or conflict involving employees, supervisors, customers, clients, or external partners that may require resolution. DAN MCGINN: My reaction was similar to yours Bob which is shes probably paid largely on commission, so of course she cares more what the clients think because the incentive structure is done that way and number two, this is why 360-degree evaluations were created in the first place. And then using, I call them mind tricks to protect your soul. Work Life is Atlassians flagship publication dedicated to unleashing the potential of every team through real-life advice, inspiring stories, and thoughtful perspectives from leaders around the world. ALISON BEARD: We also want to thank Louis Weeks and Nick DePrey for composing our theme music. This constant blame game is really killing motivation. 11. You dread collaborating with them, and you may have even butt heads with them once or twice. Offer tailored solutions, so they know you are paying attention and taking their needs seriously. Once everyone is on the same page about whats happening and why its time to move forward by focusing on solutions rather than putting energy into assigning blame or pointing out faults. That seems like it would somehow fix this. It was too much of a coincidence to think that shes not airing our dirty laundry. Escalate your concerns to a supervisor or HR manager. Try This Simple Shift, From YouTube To Saturday Night Live?
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