my husband never told me he has herpesmy husband never told me he has herpes

One of the hardest aspects of dating in the modern era is figuring out the appropriate time to talk about STIs and safer sex. I am 6 weeks pregnant and I don't want to catch it now more than ever. He was never the type to get tests in general because he says that I'm the only one he's been with, so he trusts me and that "there's no need." (His words) He needed a physical and all sorts of tests for this tech program that's going to start this winter semester. I was in the same position as you years back-when my husband and I started to date he told me he had Herpes. "I'm just going to swab this area for herpes," announced my doctor from her perch near my lady bits, waving a giant Q-tip. I just wanted to finally share my story, and my emotional and internal struggles and know that I am not alone.I would love to hear your stories as well; I think it would really bring me comfort. Edit: this is probably my last edit and I just found out that it is in fact genital herpes :( there is no way thats from sharing utensils like what he said. Sexual health STI support group and discussion community. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Soon after came a lot of sexual promiscuity, a very unhealthy coping mechanism in reaction to being sexually assaulted. Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex. I am afraid to know the truth. By Alex Alexander Written on Dec 29, 2022. There are many things more tragic than herpes: cancer, HIV, a hurricane that destroys your home, a loved one with advanced Alzheimer's not remembering your name. He said that it was a pimple and that hes gotten them before. You can have your first genital herpes outbreak after 10 years of marriage or partnership, but the reason for this may not be what you think. That's particularly true if they're restricting themselves to oral sex because they're only having casual sex. Reddit, Inc. 2023. The clue is he is good at wearing a mask. Hope this helps! What makes you feel that it is your job to fill his black hole? But the man she was dating at the timewho was, in fact, the one who gave her herpeswas most hurtful of all: He called her a slut, and then said she was disgusting. Ive been crying all night and day and Im devastated.. not sure if its one of his mental issues that he need to fix or get in check getting in the way. My husband has no symptoms of this virus. I asked him if hes fooling around and he denied. I guess there is just one way to find out. Here are other ways to avoid getting herpes from your partner: I thought I'd give this a chance to sink in and talk to my husband about it when I felt more collected. He spends less time at home. I think you have your answer to why he asked you to marry him when he wasnt sure. Did you feel that you had to save someone (for example your mother or your father) or make up for their tough life? I was thinking, is this a yeast infection, or UTII went to a clinic because I thought they could see something down there and they said "you're fine." He was still cheating with her and plenty of others! Your dr. will tell you the only reason you will not have a normal vaginal delivery is if you did catch the virus, PLUS had open, unscabbed sores. He said I must have had a latent infection. I tried not to lose my mind but it was close. Sex for the first time post-diagnosis was tentative for me. I thought of not saying anything. I dont know how to tell my husband what happened, and I am deeply depressed. When I met him I was having a hard time trusting him which had caused some fights. What about the 5 years we were happy in between? Maybe I won't ever stop wondering. My husband has had multiple affair while we were together. Im still in shock at that point but the next day i come to my senses and ask him if hes been with someone who had herpes and lo and behold he admits his ex girlfriend had it and that she told him he couldnt get it cause she was on medication. Has this happened to anyone. I hear that it can be serious if you have an outbreak during your pregnancy and more than likely I will because of the added stress on my body. Please, if there is anyone else out there who can share with me, I'd appreciate it. Could I have this STD and have no signs or symptoms? This gives them the ability to tell themselves, "Well, I wasn't certain that I had an STI, so I didn't actually need to talk to my date about it." He had not. I was later told by some of his friends, he had given herpes to three girls. I have been with my husband for 16years, actually, 17 years this month! It's been 3 and a half years since I was diagnosed with HSV 2 and had my first genital outbreak. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Trying to figure why he did it is driving me crazy. I hope my books will help but you need something more. And they may be afraid of rejection or simply find the subject too hard to bring up. I know it wasn't the two other people in which I engaged in sexual acts with because I transmitted it to one of them and he got his first outbreak during our relationship. My husband didn't point fingers. That means that people need to actively seek out medical screening for STIs. Don't be nonchalant about it. He said he loves me and wants me to stay but that because he loves me I should leave. Doctor confirmed it was herpes. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. He just got confirmation that he does in fact have Genital Herpes. I was just diagnosed a week ago and I literally feel like my life is over I have no idea how to handle this! My gut tells me he has been cheating and I think im gonna go nuts if I dont open up to someone about this. I was equal parts afraid to be accused of cheating or learning he had, even though logic assured me otherwise. I was diagnosed while going thru my divorce and because of the circumstances surrounding it I have no doubt who it came from but it's still just as equally devastating to me today knowing a breakout is starting as it was when I was first diagnosed. So how is it that I could just now break out and my husband has no signs or symptoms? I was diagnosed with genital herpes type 2 3 years ago. He is hurting and he is broken and if I leave im afraid he may never reconnect to his humanity. odds are that u might have it just by simply being pregnant by him and if so, now it's time to protect the baby. I was living with my best friend's mom at the time as her roommate, and she had a doctor friend come to the house to examine me. My reaction was disbelief, then panic. He says he has not been feeling connection with me for the past 10 years. I am no longer in therapy bc financially things are rough with the pandemic and I have an extremely hard time keeping up with appts in general due to severe ADHD so places like mhmr and the low cost clinic keep kicking me off their list saying im not following the rules. I was tested yesterday for herpes. My dad has it he and my mom met in their 30s, he has never had an outbreak in the time that they have known each other and she never got it. Never used needles but this has me wanting to go get so high I can't think or feel. (he most likely has a disorder)., or end the marriage and let his wife be free to discover one day what a true loving and fulfilled marriage really feels right with the right guy.My heart goes out to this woman as she never signed up for a jerk husband that mistreats her and says he never loved her.Your advice is plain wrong. But most people are curious about why their marriage reached this dark place. He stopped the obvious behaviors like calling me names, manipulating and controlling behaviors and severe gaslighting. RELATED: The (Totally Avoidable) Reason HPV Ended My Relationship. Really unsure how to feel. We've gotten back into our normal, vanilla groove in the bedroom and things are good actually, better than good, although I wonder when the thought of "is this going to be the time I give it to him?" This is a very important issue for mine and my baby's sake! The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous. Im afraid its typical of men in affairs to rewrite history to try and justify themselves. RELATED: My One-Night Stand Discovered I Had A Tumor While We Were Hooking Up. I have always gotten STD tests and physicals because Im just like that, I make sure everythings fine with me. I dont know what to do. Genital herpes cases are predominantly caused by the HSV-2 virus, but HSV-1 cases are growing steadily due to oral sex. Results not in yet but with the sores and looks of it my dr says that's probably what it is. I would not even know what to expect. I am a college student who flew home for mothers day. All rights reserved. I let my guard down because he never showed me that he couldnt. Last night he said I want to live my life the way I want and you live the way you want If you want divorce we can do that, else we can live like this He even said he would never come back to the relationship for sure. We'll assume you're ok with this. He's no longer interested in intimacy. My marriage is like a bowl of caramel pudding: sweet, predictable, and a little boring. He will not admit that he gave it to me. Everything seemed like I was on that path, and I felt hopeful that this virus would not plague me for the rest of my life. That's why testing is so important. And telling your partner you have herpes? Ive been having random panic attacks over this situation. His self-help books include the international best-seller I Love You But Im Not In Love With You. Its not a Midlife Crisis, Its an Opportunity, My Husband Doesnt Love Me and Hes Texting Someone Else. His was for sex and mine was I guess for companionship. Hope this finds you all well, He just texted me that week that he had his physical and blood tests done and the doctor told him that he has herpes. Fast forward a year later and he still wont admit that he gave it to me. I found out I have Type 2 herpes, and I'm so heart broken about it because I got it from an ex of mine but I never got tested until I got married to my husband, I feel so bad because I believe I gave it to him, I been feeling gross and the intimacy has changed drastically, we don't touch each other, More him then Me. Hes the love of my life and I dont know how I will ever forgive myself. He said it seemed as though I was just very stressed, and my body was reacting to the stress. Just before he went on that trip he expressed his love I do know deep down that he did love me So it was impossible to believe my ears when he said that. He was given some medication and sent on his way. It is possible that your wife, husband, or partner has herpes and didn't tell you, or that they had a sex outside of the relationship with someone who was infected. my husband of 10 years left me 4months ago. Lots of people simply don't recognize that their symptoms are STI symptoms. I cannot express in words how hard it has been for me to listen all this and you dont mean anything to me I dont feel anything for you from a man I have loved whole heartedly for so many years. He did however pass the STD on to his previous partner:(Any comments will help! RELATED: The First Lifelong Gift My Husband Gave Me Was Herpes. Anyway, because of what happened, I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood yesterday morning and my results came back fine. I told him that he needed to go get it checked out that I would no longer have sex with him anymore until he did so. STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching. You might not know what to do if your partner did not tell you they have herpes or another sexually transmitted infection (STI). Most often it was I who used to crave for his hugs and to get physical but he always turned down my asks stating tiredness as the most common reason. Hello, He's had blood work and he is not a carrier. I remember when I first contracted HSV 2, although I did not get truly diagnosed until sometime later when I had genital sores. Good luck!! My friends on the other hand are all on the opposite coast, and I feel that this is a weird conversation to have over the phone. And it's also important to know how to tell your partner if you have an STI. He makes disrespectful comments to your face and behind your back. Im 35 and it just came out of nowhere. I felt an overwhelming, illogical urge to throw everything in the trash, pretend this wasn't happening, and run. Whereas when he wrongs me I tell him n not make him guess or be blindsided. Willful ignorance is not an excuse for failing to disclose a possible infection. My husband of 5 years told me the same. Basically I feel he wants me to take action He doesnt realise how much I love him and how much it hurts. Please help. And I told him that of if he didnt feel anything or want this to continue to just leave. I read that after a few years of suppression therapy, many people have less outbreaks that are less severe, until they have none at all. After virtually 2 years of maybe 3 minor outbreaks, this one suddenly hit me like a train and made me feel frustrated and disheartened. That is truly admirable. Why did I do it? Hes not attracted to me because he claims I am a nun. Did I get it before me and him got married did i give it to him ? It was a devastating diagnosis. Additionally when my husband told me about this herpes thing last night he was in the mindset of well at least I told you now. She only found out through blood work when she was pregnant. Hes told me many times hes simply broken. Why do I read things that says to wash dishes good don't share towels no kissing. I tried to remember every time I'd thought "maybe we should use protection" with the ex I've long since lost touch with. He truly loves her but still can seem distant with her as well but never cruel and never cold. Finally, I just came out with it. I never had a high "body count," but my mind shot back to that guy I slept with on vacation when I was 28. I think hipsters might refer to that as "low body count." I am due to replace it in a few months and have seen my body begin to bleed during menstruation again after almost 5 years of not bleeding when I menstruate. She didn't and the baby was fine. I miss that state of bliss and the unknowing. Yes, I have had HSV2 before I got married. Hes been insisting that the doctor told him it could be from sharing utensils, but I feel like there is such a low chance of getting herpes just from that. your baby will be without herpes as long as you follow your docs advice. Well, it's not something I ever thought would be a topic in our marriage. I am in a situation where someone who I love , told me they have herpes a few months ago as we were going to date. They just don't know how to go about doing so or when. This didn't and my mind struggled to process most of what she was telling me. Hi everyone, Im brand new to this. But him saying he was never happy has broken my heart cz I gave up everything for him and to be with him and the times I wasnt overwhelmed with depression I tried so hard to be good to him. My Partner Has Genital Warts. These cookies do not store any personal information. I began carelessly sleeping around in order to obtain what I felt was taken from me, to regain control. Neither of us had a long list of sexual partners before we met. I agree with you girl! Recent blood test confirms he is positive and I am negative. I keep thinking hes having a midlife crisis but hes 27. But now the children cry cz hes gone and they see how much weight Ive lost n how sad I am though I try to put on a brave face. I was shattered! I believed him, he believed himself and here we are. Hes good at wearing masks and had been wearing one for years. I mean I got a grandbaby I don't want to give this shit to her. M y marriage is like a bowl of caramel pudding: sweet, predictable, and a little boring. I was in denial for a very long time I guess I still am to a degree. Both affairs ended when I found out about his. I have so many negative emotions about it adding to the confusion of it all. Often the person with the STI willavoid having any type of sexual encounter. Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Is it even possible to give someone the virus if you were exposed two days before and only started showing symptoms two days after that? Moreover, ours is a 5 yr plus marriage but we know each other . I gave my husband (boyfriend at the time) herpes and I knew something was not right with my genitals. I had an extramarital affair with a man who has a similar sexless marriage. Didn't find the answer you were looking for? I said she was wasting her time but to swab away since she was already down there. Focus on empowering yourself so you don't look for external validation - that is an unstable source. When I confronted him with this fact he said he never loved me and so never felt passionate! I had no idea I had it! Would Antidepressants Help My Recovery From Infidelity? Does that mean he may have herpes? This outbreak also aligned with my menstrual cycle. Logic and order are important elements of my makeup. Unsurprisingly, they often end up with recurrent STI infections. That has caused some trust issues from my end, but at the time I found out I just felt like we were both such different people than when it happened and I really did love him and want to make it work. I knew this as his efforts to be caring always seemed forced and not authentic and simply to please me. My heart is aching as if my life is over. He says he is not feeling connection with me. I really can't get a grip on it. He has already convinced himself of all the lies that allowed him to rewrite history and commit adultery. Im not sure who else to ask or talk to about this. I have tried understanding his point as well and have tried to just hang on. Online Counselling >>. He said he will never love me the way I love him and he will never be able to give me the things I need in a relationship. It was a cluster of blisters. MedHelp is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Yes you can be carrying the virus and have no signs or outbreak but I do know that some things can trigger it, like rough sex or when your immune system is weak due to any illness or fever, oral sex too can trigger it, just research it and talk to your Dr when you see him. I immediately thought i had gotten it from my ex-who was my first and long term boyfriend of over 10 years. Honestly hes the only person i dated other than my present husband. I am 31(M) and gay, In the closet. This outbreak made my skin rash on my body, and even infected my earlobe. How can I have intimate sex with husband and he doesn't get it. He has never told me this. I haven't been sexually active in over 4 years now. partner failed to disclose he has herpes, i am now in excruciating pain as experiencing symptoms from being infected. Anyway long story short I have been dealing with this disease the best way I can. She said I might never have another outbreak, or that I might get them monthly. When we met we were both in the club scene, partying all the time, we hooked up for six months before we even discussed dating. STIs are the most common cause of genital sores. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. I just dont feel like myself anymore. It's a very common misconception that oral sex is something you can do casually. I asked if he had gotten a blood test to confirm it. If there's someone to call, I can't remember his name. Then why worry about telling people? Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year. I never had an outbreak until a couple of months ago, but after all this time he is still negative. He was just my colleague. I've been married now for 14 years. The IgG antibody test shows negative/"normal" for both type 1 and type 2 herpes. They don't want to hurt the people they're involved with. I contacted him and he didnt have it so i confronted my husband. I got myself tested and found out I don't have it. United States. I am so so sad hes left me I feel so apologetic n wish he would believe I will never go back to behaving that way and I am taking steps to make sure. He was very emotionally abusive, cruel, cold, followed by showering me with gifts and doing things for me. We've been together 4 yrs now and believe it or not, I'm cleaned. I was diagnosed with hsv2 back in July. Ive (22F) been dating my boyfriend (25M) for about three years now. Ink had one outbreak (august). I have had chickenpox as a child and in the moment, I was convinced that the repeat of herpes rash on the same ear for two consecutive outbreaks was an indication that if I don't follow my intuition now, I might develop this syndrome. Does he wear a mask to his parents? He has never hidden any kind of medical problem from me. He even goes and meets her on weekends. You're telling a potential partner that you want them. Neighbors seen him at my house etc..! I really was stressed as only a few months prior I had left my high school sweetheart turned husband. I want to please God in every way I can I know he hates divorce. Perhaps you could go back to your counsellor or speak to your doctor. Archived post. My husband just came home and told me he has HSV2 (herpes simples 2)we have been married 17 years and he has been - Answered by a verified Health Professional. Fooling everyone and myself. It sounds like you have worked hard on this relationship and trying to understand your fianc. I'm all for hospitality but I thought that was messed up. A lot of people assume that if they don't have any STI symptoms, they don't have an STI. He says he did say he doesnt want to marry me but then gave in to my mothers request. I don't think that can be possible. But I would be interested in why you feel drawn to a man who is a black hole. I have 2 grown children. I am re-starting therapy and have become more independent as a single mum of 3. She has never had an outbreak. I feel like my existence alone depresses him. Will I Get Them? Genital herpes presents itself as sores or lesions on the genitals, anus or upper thighs, although it is not unusual to be symptomless. I can't understand how I never got it until now. The other person crossed paths with me again two years down the road in which I had to inform him of my diagnosis since the previous times we were intimate. Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex. I cant even speak to him without getting sad or angry. Common Questions When Worrying About STIs, The Benefits of Sexual Education in Schools, 4 Questions to Ask a New Partner Before Having Sex. How do I approach him about this? Im devastated. Many people feel that talking about sex just isn't something you doand there are many reasons for this. What Do Herpes Sores Look Like at Different Stages? When I got my diagnosis, my health-care providers reminded me that herpes is much more common than you'd think ( more than one out of . I have been in my marriage for 20 years, and never had an affair. RELATED: How My First Sexual Partner Almost Became My Last. I have suffered from panic attacks and feelings of embarrassment and shame since the diagnosis. I also didnt know how deeply I was depressed I barely remember our fights.