my husband is 40 and can t get hard

I would just do whatever in the hell you want to. If you notice that your husband struggles with getting interested in or engaging in sex in addition to some of the other signs discussed here, it may be possible that your suspicion is correct. And yet there IS a lot of negativity in this letter. Think about your own actions. Oh honey, my bf was diagnosed a year ago , he was a sex machine, 3-4 times a week, and 3 times a day even though we are not living together, after diagnosis he comoletly neglected sex, it was anxiety, not the meds , he was scared of geving it to me, even after he hit undetectable he couldnt get hard, then i made him talk to other poz, now for the past month he is getting back on his feet and . If you can live in a marriage where you are sure that your husband might be gay, some personal counseling might help you work through this so that you can find the right way forward for you. My husband is a schophrenic and I found out after the marriage, I know I will be extremely happy after I divorce him I lived nightmare. we are so happy and in love and we share everything legally now yayyy! The LW did not provide enough details. 2. My husband retired and the only thing he enjoys is TV, and complaining about political stuff, and that is literally it! Your gums are swollen, tender, or bleed easily. It sounds like you have ruled out many physical factors, in which case it may be useful to consider psychological factors. March 18, 2014, 6:13 pm. Erectile difficulties can cause feelings of inadequacy in both men and their partners. If you find yourself in that situation, you will have to decide what you would like to do. There will also be signs your husband is gay such as his behavioral patterns, especially concerning other gay men. If not, then he at least deserves the chance to hear how she feels and make changes if he can and she might have more chance of success if the discussion comes in the context of a marriage counselor. Im sure she did. While they're harder to identify and treat, the three most common are anxiety . is not an emergency or instant response service. And, if you do find out signs your husband is gay, then the first thing that youll need to do is to sit down and talk to him. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. What will you do to take care of you now? i know, i know, its not all about sex and shes not responsible for his happiness and blah blah blah, but im telling you women have control over the tone of the marriage and thats how men connect with their woman. Ive got 30 years in vested in marriage and Im leaving this Sunday for a long time Not sure Im returning. Youll be ok. volunteer, find a part-time job, join some clubs, take some classes, go to church, etc.). Reasons Your Partner Has Trouble Staying Hard & How to Help really? He visits gay bars frequently even though he will claim that hes just there to socialize with his gay friends. Gums that are swollen, painful, or bleed when you brush or floss are likely signs of gum disease. 'No Hard Feelings' and 'Joy Ride' Bring Back the Sex Comedy, With a Is My Husband Gay? Signs You Are Gay), that is when you can truly know that he is gay. although i like domestic art. If anything, youre more capable than most to live alone. Tell him so. These signs of a gay husband are designed as a starting point. Im tried of trying. I cant imagine how difficult it would be to disentangle your life from someone elses after 40+ years. marriage is ridiculous, so much of the time. They no longer rise . "After 40 Years, I Can't Stand My Husband" - Dear Wendy I wouldnt be surprised that hes pissed off about retiring and that could take a while to work itself out. I would be here for days if I told you all the shit I put up with. In the meantime, please seek out counseling, and develop a plan. Do not nag him. you know what bothers me? Everything still gets split equitably. Issues concerning sexual desire alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. Obviously Im not a legal expert. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 9 Signs and Symptoms of Erectile Dysfunction - Men's Health When you ask yourself questions like, how can I tell if my husband is gay?, you need to observe your partner closely and look out for possible signs in his behavior and approach. Keeping that in mind, you may experience a sense of loss and heartache which youll need to process, but perhaps you could seek out some help and support or counseling to help you navigate this situation together, in love and kindness. If this were a younger couple, I assume that thered be some talk to communicating with the husband, figuring out if its depressed, etc. Thanks for hearing me out and i will get out this Crappy marriage too!!!Lisa. I feel for this LW. Is My Husband Gay? Signs of a Gay Husband | HealthyPlace Have you discussed all the things you like that don't require an erection? He receives social security so hell be fine financially. Sometimes a woman may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may find herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" I wouldn't expect the change to occur quickly, or necessarily at all. Kaye advises that women "follow their instincts" when deciding whether their husband may be gay. If they want to make things better between the both of you to do it! all of a sudden its a very important fact that *he* paid for the house. Why Can't I Get or Keep an Erection? - WebMD You know who else isnt a big ball of fun? He watches porno movies with gay male scenes. Ive tried talking to him, but he just gets angry and defensive. A number of psychological issues can cause ED. When Your Partner Can't Get It Up | Psychology Today He starts to spend more time at the gym and works on changing his appearance. its ours! where else are they supposed to go to get them met? theyre not getting their needs met, and yes it IS the job of the wife to meet the needs of her husband and vice versa. He admits to having a homosexual encounter in the past. Lack of interest in sex. I wasnt suggesting that the LW stay married for money. Kicking him out of his own house wouldnt be the right move. You talk A LOT about your husbands negativity with interestingly ZERO concrete examples. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Think about that. This actually has nothing to do with the bedroom. Therefore, open and honest communication with one another is an essential ingredient in strengthening your relationship as you work through this situation together. So, imagining it as real seriously, this husband of yours has provided 100% financial support for you for 40 years (details are missing here in the letter), and you are still complaining? The Internet has made it easier for people searching for information about others. BUT! it doesnt matter. Hurt and even rage at having been betrayed. I can't get my husband hard : r/hivaids - Reddit Enjoy life with your friends, grandchildren and whatever your interested in. I am NOT saying that you should allow finances to be the ONLY determining factor in your decision. Unfortunately, it is estimated that 50% of gay husbands hide their homosexuality from their wives and don't reach this place of honesty on their own. My advice here is pretty limited. domestic science used to be a real thing! my dad was like that. He paid for the house. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . A bit sexist no? This whole letter just made me think of the movie Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. Few obvious signs your partner is gay include the following . He claims he is "depressed" and will blame his depression or medication for depression for his lack of sexual desire for you. These signs a husband is gay are not meant to be definitive. Believe me he is getting sex from somewhere some men want sex with no strings attached. What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage. List of Indian films of 2023 - Wikipedia But it is possible for him to change, especially now that he's retiring. and our Hes selfish and self centered. The clearest way to know if your husband is gay is if he tells you. High cholesterol, which can limit blood flow through the atreries that supply the genital area, can also be associated with erectile dysfunction. Yes, I dealt 40 years of this nut case but I will get 50% of everything including his income, I cant wait. and fun fact: domestic science is the way that women were first allowed into science. And even if it IS split even steven between them, she will so NOT be keeping the house, but rather living in a shitty apartment, i suspect, Also, if somebody is NOT happy about retirement, that suggests to me that he is being forced into it by his workplace. If you have had any notion at all that this is a possibility, it might help you to know these 6 signs that may suggest that your husband is gay. focusing less on sexual performance and more on pleasurable sensations. At sixty, you could still have twenty, thirty, even forty years ahead of you. Good Luck! It might mean getting a part time job, or learning a new skill or hobby. Self-harm includes the stereotypical, Particularly when young, some people may ask, "How do I know if I am gay?" Hes a mental abuser Ted Bundy level. Its scary sometimes, not knowing what the unknown will actually be like. using a penis ring or sex toys. If it turns out that a husband is, in fact, gay, the fallout can be difficult to deal with, particularly for the straight partner. At the time my mom was sick and I went to spent a few days with her, when I got back home my husband moved all his stuff to our basement and he told me never bother him again. And while you're determining the cause of your partner's ED, you can still be intimate with activities other than intercourse that you both enjoy. When it comes down to it, there is no reliable "Am I Gay test", so the only way, Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it's like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of "someone gets it, Rape victim stories can be very difficult to read, frightening and emotionally draining for some but stories of rape show other victims that they are not alone in their struggles. There are 2 sides to every story. We both created this mess and now were in our mid 70s and we just dont care any more. I understand her being married 40 years myself. I make my own rules up as I go. Sure we have be married 37 years but there is no affection or anything at all !!! He spends excessive time texting people at irregular hours. American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), Partner can't maintain erection for intercourse, While engaging in other behaviors besides intercourse?. He initiates activities with his pals where they might be naked together such as getting in a sauna or hot tub. I suppose I should have left, he would never have cared, or noticed. I can see how that sucks in some cases, imagine if your spouse cheats on you and youre the breadwinner and they still get 50%. Privacy Policy. From left, Sabrina Wu, Sherry Cola, Stephanie Hsu and Ashley Park in "Joy Ride.". You already have the tools for taking care of yourself. Once your doubt is realized, you need to plan your next course of action carefully since these are sensitive matters that need to be handled with care. You know the domestic life inside and out. His phone or computer browsing history is always clean.. Two things Id suggest: counseling (for you as individuals and for you as a couple) and time apart. Are they gay by choice or is being gay genetic? Cant find information on the site about your health concern or issue? I hope your daughters dont end up staying with abusive, neglectful partners themselves because they saw you putting up with it all these years and think thats what a normal relationship looks like. Or maybe he wont. However, if you notice a number of these signs, then there might be more to the situation than your husband might like you to believe. What about your partner? Other physical causes include: certain . Or maybe just the idea of retirement has been so scary or nerve-wracking that, once its over, he will begin to calm down. Being a housewife doesnt mean youre incapable. I wouldnt expect the change to occur quickly, or necessarily at all. Some men experience erectile dysfunction as a result of physiological factors, including medications that can interfere with sexual response, chronic illness (e.g., heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes), physical disability, alcoholism, drug use, or injury that impedes blood flow to the erectile tissue. im with sampson below- the LW and her husband both have to abide by divorce laws. Signs You Are Gay, cure the gay by having your husband go to gay conversion therapy, Is My Husband Gay? This site complies with the HONcode standard for Although he can get hard, he cannot maintain enough for intercourse. I told my daughters NEVER financially depend on a man and they dont thank God. Im impressed. Do you have suspicions that make you question Is my husband gay? Maybe you have a mild alarm bell that rings occasionally or noticed a few signs in his behavior that gave you reasons to worry and question his sexual orientation. . Good luck. Introduced that same week at SXSW, the scrappy lower-budget "Bottoms" (in theaters . you would be heartbroken. Maybe this is really off-base, but it reminds me of a dynamic Ive seen among some older couples (not sure if its age-based, or just generational) where you believe that its normal to hate your spouse or where you dont actually communicate ABOUT the relationship. He might even appear to be homophobic and make a lot of comments about gay people in a derogatory manner. Of course, some of these examples can indicate other situations or problems in a marriage, or even just the usual practices of a slightly effeminate straight male. They had a system where shed hide his whiskey and only give it to him a few times a week, and he drank beer from noon until midnight. . Splitsville sounds good to the 20 something in this crowd but this LW will have it tougher than a 20 year old hottie with a college degree. Women and adults . If he is negative and unhappy, maybe it is because of that, and maybe he doesnt like you too much either? i read a whole book about food history in america, and the changing roles of a housewife was obviously a big impact to the way we ate at home. But it is very unhelpful to point out that her husband is the injured party. Issues concerning sexual desire alone are not a sure-fire sign your husband is gay, but women who report that their husbands turned out to be gay often say this was something they noticed first. If she feels the need to leave and find another place then I understand, but he shouldnt be kicked out. multiple sclerosis (MS) liver or kidney disease. It can be difficult and frustrating for men and their partners to cope with erectile dysfunction, especially when the cause is unclear. Nor is it fair to your children or granddaughter. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Whether it's your girlfriend or your wife, this top ten. Gay By Choice or Is Being Gay Genetic? In terms of financial stability, I agree that seeing a lawyer is a good idea. I dont know why Im arguing about this small tiny point but apparently I cant stop. Do you want a divorce or separation? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. What a shame. trying role-play or foreplay to increase arousal. here. He makes continual homophobic comments or he makes too many gay comments in conversations. These are signs your spouse is gay and there is no room for further doubts. If her husband is in a position to retire at all its likely that they have a house, its paid off, they have retirement savings, etc. For a sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) web site and click on the "Locate a Professional" link. What Im wondering is, has he always been like this? This first step would be to identify why hes such a pain and see if something can be done about it. Erection Problems: Causes, Treatment, Complications & Prevention See what happens. Kaye has developed the Official Gay Husband Checklist to help women know if their husbands are gay. He seems to relish compliments from gay men. Has it ever been addressed? This coming from someone that did give up large financial stability for happiness. If you are in an urgent situation, pleasevisit our Emergency page to view a list of 24 hour support services and hotlines. Consider this foreplay. What's important to remember is that the husband's homosexuality is entirely his responsibility and has nothing to do with the wife. But there cheating doesnt matter. Wendy talks up the ability for a former homemaker to keep her own home, but I seriously doubt thats what the LW was concerned about. A health care provider may want to know, does your husband have firmer erections: I remember being afraid to leave my first husband because I thought I needed him to survive financially. To believe that a 60 year old woman who ostensibly has never worked or had a career can make it on her own is pretty niave. its sad that their ideals never really caught on. Then youll get your time away from this monster and he can enjoy a little bit of relaxation and private time in your joint home. Keep Your Own Head On. Wendy, Where did the thumbs go? He says he is having a "mid-life crisis" and becomes moody and depressed. I sure was. Turns out I didnt, and I stayed a lot longer than I probably should have due to that original fear. He increasingly got more cranky and thinner, and none of us could explain why, and anytime we suggested a doctor, hed get pissed.
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